Attractive Attraction

I think some people set about making friends the wrong way. They go out of their way to impress them or tell them of the great accomplishments that they have done. While this tactic might indeed impress people, it does not generate true friendship. This article will tell you the simple secret of how to make more friends.

All People are Inherently Selfish

Some people might be taken aback by this comment by saying, “I’m not selfish!!” Well, selfishness as it applies to this context is not a bad thing. It’s how we are wired as human beings. We seek out things that we need in life. The people who state that they are not selfish are the ones who are living comfortably and have most of what they want in life. But lets take that same person and remove their expensive cars, their home, their loved onesin fact lets remove everything that they have and place them in a locked room with 50 other people. Then let’s say that we are going to provide these 50 people with food, but only enough food for 25 of them.

Will this person still think of themselves as unselfish now? Chances are that they will fight just like the other 50 people for that food in order to survive. This need-based example is what Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs model is based on. Our motivation in life is selfish by designwe seek out things that are good for us; first attending to those things necessary for survival, then safety and emotional needs, and only when we satisfy most of our needs do we feel compelled to offer to others.

They Don’t Really Care About Your Life

Okay, that’s not entirely true with all people, but for the most part, and with strangers, they could care less about your life and your achievements and anything else you have done. Boasting about the great things you have done when conversing with people at a social gathering might make for interesting conversation, but it won’t help you gain friends because your stories are really just not important to them.

Using People’s Selfish Behavior to Make Friends

Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Why do you think the question, “What do you do for a living,” is such a popular one? People love to talk about their lives and one crucial need that people have is to be heard and acknowledged by other people. It is this need that you can use to create more friends. By simply focusing the conversation on their lives instead of your own, you will subconsciously create value for yourself in their minds as a potential friend because you are providing them with a valuable resource of someone who will listen and acknowledge. This skill is by far the most powerful friend-building tactic out there.

Practical Verbage

Use these lines to generate rapport-building talk:

“That’s interestingplease tell me more.”

“What kinds of things do you do?”

“I’m not familiar with that. Can you explain that to me?”

“What did you think about that?”

“What kinds of things do you like?”

Tristan Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services, based out of San Diego County, Calfornia. Tristan is a former police officer, conflict intervention consultant, professional mediator, and negotiator. Tristan gained his experience by actively engaging conflict out on the streets, honing his knowledge and understanding of conflict during hundreds of dangerous encounters with hostile and violent subjects. Tristan is the author of Street Negotiation–How to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime.

For FREE Conflict Articles and Products, please visit our website at http://www.acrsonline.com or email us directly at info@acrsonline.com

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You get what you attract - with your thoughts, words, beliefs, actions and inactions. Here are 10 tips for attracting opportunity:

Decide what you want, what you must do to get it, and then map out a plan to do what you must. Action is the keyword here. Do what you have to do; sow then you will reap. Don’t sow, or don’t sow the right thing, and you’ll not get what you want. When you do what you must do, you attract opportunity, even if you have to wait awhile.

Look for people who have attained what you desire. Learn from them. Ask them to mentor you. Read their biographies. Do what they teach you. You will get better at what you do and so attract opportunity. Find mentors. Learn from others. It will open opportunity’s doors to you.

Always be prepared. Have an up-to-date, purpose crafted CV on hand. Carry neat, up-to-date business cards with a sharp, attention-grabbing message on them. Keep a well organized portfolio of your work. Up-date it regularly. When you are prepared you recognize opportunities and grab them while they are still hot. Without preparation, opportunity seldom comes by, and if it did, we would not recognize it. Unpreparedness causes us to lose opportunities to those who are ready for them. Be the one who is always ready.

Learn the body language of success - a firm handshake, square shoulders, standing up-right rather than slouching, looking people in the eye as you greet them. People will perceive you as successful, which opens more doors.

Dress as you want to be perceived - sharp, orderly, appropriately, decently. This helps to create a favourable impression of you, which also opens the doors of opportunity.

Commit to Personal Development. Be proactive with your own growth. To have more you must first become more. Your growth is in your own hands. Do something about it today- register for a course, take it and get qualified; learn a profitable skill; ask some one to mentor you. Do whatever you can to ensure your own growth. Become more and attract opportunity.

Network among succeeding and successful people. Of course you know some - old school mates, neighbours, friends, acquaintances. Every one knows someone. The more you network the wider your net of opportunity becomes.

Be a giver. Sow in cash and kind. Our seeds return to us, often in the form of opportunity.

Believe that opportunities exist. We attract what we believe in, positive or negative. If you doubt the existence of opportunity, you will not recognise it when it appears.

Be genuinely and selflessly helpful to others. Habitual givers never lack (but habitual receivers always do!). Brian Tracy says, “Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, “What’s in it for me?” ” Sally Koch says, “Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us everyday.” If you give to others because you get from them, they will reward you. If you give because you want to help, God owes you, and He’ll repay you in the way that is best for you.

Whatever it is you are looking for, opportunity abounds. If you prepare for opportunity, you will recognise and take hold of it. If you do not prepare, it will pass you by without your even knowing it. This is the case with those who complain about a lack of opportunity. They complain all day and neglect to prepare. The fact that they do not believe in its existence makes opportunity even more elusive to them. Practise any or all of these ten tips and open opportunity’s doors. Be wise, be prepared, believe, and attract. It’s all up to you.

Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja

Oma Edoja is a freelance writer, motivational speaker and publisher. She publishes an inspirational ezine, The Up-Mobile Ezine, at http://up-mobile.blogspot.com. This article is excerpted from Issues 3 and 4. Visit to see current issue. Subscribe and get bonus booklet: Four Steps to Success — Your easy-to-follow guide to getting what you want and keeping it by Oma Edoja

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