Attractive Attraction

A lot of your people problems and concerns about what other people think will fade into the background when you understand one crucial reality.

Most people are interested in you only to the extent they can get something from you.

I know this sounds harsh. Bear with me a moment while I explain.

Apart from your family and closest friends most other people see you as either a hindrance or as a means to getting what they want.

If you can help them get what they want they will smile at you, say you are wonderful and do whatever they can to keep you happy and available in the future.

On the other hand if you stop being a means to the fulfillment of their needs these very same people may well shun you, insult you and have nothing to do with you.

Let me give you an example. You meet someone special and you date. Things progress and a few weeks later you are both in love and life has never been better. You are the center of the universe for that person and whatever you desire is immediately granted with a smile.

Fast forward three months and the same person is screaming down the phone at you, saying how useless you are and never to call again! What happened? How could something so good go so wrong?

In very simple terms you went from satisfying the other persons emotional needs to not satisfying them. And the extreme change in how they treat you is because of what I said at the beginning of this article:

Most people are interested in you only to the extent they can get something from you.

Whereas in the early days of the relationship you attended to all of the other persons needs as time passed you grew complacent and things slipped to the point that key needs went unsatisfied.

At one point you were the answer to this persons prayers but now you serve no purpose in this persons life hence the anger and annoyance.

How can you use this insight?

1. Be alert to the unspoken demands the people in you life place on you. And understand that your relationships depend on the meeting of these underlying needs.

2. If you want to be free of a relationship that is limiting you then stop offering the demanded input whether that be advice, time, acceptance or any other resource or support.

Be ready for fireworks though since your input will often be taken for granted until you withdraw it.

3. Realize that when you feel self conscious there is no need to be since most people are preoccupied being self conscious themselves!

And as far as they are concerned you are a means to an end. If John Friend phones you to go to the cinema it is so he will enjoy your company and to avoid looking silly going there alone.

Of course the same applies to you and I. And it is the mutual filling of needs that underpins interactions, friendships and business relationships.

To sum up. We all want something from each other usually we are looking to fill emotional needs and this is the way the world is. Once you accept this you can use this understanding to look for what people want from you and then meet their needs.

If you do this effectively you will never be short of friends and people keen to spend time with you.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

peter1510@hotmail.com

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I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, by gosh, I deserve it!

One key thing to remember in this chapter is to know who you are and understand who you can be. Never let the opinions of others define for you who you are or what you can or cannot do. Although other people may sometimes know you well, they can never know you completely. You know who you are, and what is in your heart, and what you’re willing to do. No opinion from someone else has the power to hold you back.

Pay attention to what others say if you think it could be of use. Seek to understand and to make yourself understood as well as you possibly can. Yet always keep in mind the person who knows most about you is you. You know what you can do, and you know why you’re doing it, even if no one else understands.

The hurtful, limiting comments say more about the people who make those comments than they say about you. Whatever they may say, you know who you are. Move on confidently forward, knowing you are doing the best you can.

The things you possess can be lost or taken from you in an instant. Yet the person you become will be with you always. What you accumulate, even under the best of circumstances, is usually yours for a limited time only. Yet, what you give will always be a part of you.

If your desires are petty, limited and selfish, the world will always seem to be cold and mean. Expand your priorities beyond the superficial concerns, and suddenly you’ll see life in a whole new, bright and shining light.

When you put your efforts into who you can be and what you can do, rather than just on what you can have, something amazing happens. Suddenly, instead of fighting against each moment, each person, each situation, you’re flowing powerfully along with them all.

If your goal is only to acquire, then whatever you get loses meaning as soon as you get it. Yet when you seek to become, to do, to give, you enter a realm of ever-increasing fulfillment.

The more you give of yourself, the more of yourself there is to give, to live, to experience and enjoy.

If it seems like I’m dwelling on your perception of you more than I should, you’d be right. I can’t emphasize how important it is for you to believe in yourself before your social skills can really flourish. The Value of You can’t be stressed enough.

Joe Kahler is recognized as an expert on helping young adults successfully transition from home to being “out on their own”. His latest work has recently been assembled in his book, Out On My Own… Now What? Tips and Insights So You Won’t Be Left Hanging in the “Real World”!

Joe received his undergraduate degree from Whittier College in Social Sciences and his Masters in Education from Arizona State University. His experience includes teaching, coaching, running numerous businesses, investing, selling insurance and real estate AND attending numerous personal, “hard knocks” training classes!

http://www.outonmyown.com

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Human beings are most evolved species on the planet…or are we? No other species inflicts such harm on their own kind as we humans do. Sure, there are animals that eat their young or have territorial fights, but for the most part, they play nice. In the animal kingdom, there’s no stealing, assault with deadly weapons, and little bullying. I don’t know too many animals in therapy and can’t think of any other living community where jails are necessary.

I believe people should be kind to one another. Even as a child, I felt the sting of every arrow shot at the kid getting bullied at the back of the school bus. I have recurrent nightmares if I watch a movie with excessive violence. And, I don’t see the point in reality shows that either humiliate or eliminate people like six year olds on a playground.
My rule for dealing with difficult and rude people: kill ‘em with kindness! Yes, of course there are times when I want to retaliate, but I learned that rudeness only begets more rudeness. By being extra polite, it becomes difficult for most people to continue being nasty. Steven Greenbaum of Passaic, New Jersey, chose not to retaliate after his wife and unborn child were killed by a suicide bomber in Jerusalem. He started an organization called Partners in Kindness with the mission to encourage kindness around the world through the sharing of inspiring stories of good deeds via email. As a result of his efforts, The New York City Transit Department started a kindness public awareness program among employees.

Everyone has the capability to be nice, even the rich and famouswhich, by the way, gives them no excuse to be inconsiderate to others. Actress Sandra Bullock is one of those famous people who you never hear an unkind word about. She is known to be friendly to the entire crews on her movie sets and quite the practical joker too. She treats others with respect and consideration, no matter what their job. I suppose art imitated life when her character was given the “Miss Congeniality” award in the movie by the same name.

So, before you skip the please and thank you’s, the friendly smiles, the kind favors, and the whole damn practice of kindness, look down within yourself and find that well of natural compassion all Goddesses have. It may be a little dry, but you can easily replenish it by remembering why you’re here. Not because you’re fully evolved, but because you’re only half way there. Until we learn to be better and kinder human beings, we’ll always be one evolution step below those seemingly primitive animals.

5 Ways to Be Nice:

Try to understand the perspective of people you consider adversaries.

Every day, give someone a compliment or do a small favor for them.

Don’t respond to rudeness with more rudenessbe kinder or be quiet.

Ask yourself how YOU would feel if treated a certain wayif you don’t like it, don’t treat others that way!

Look people in the eyes and smile when speaking to them.

Excerpted from the book: The Goddess of Happiness, A Down-to-Earth Guide for Heavenly Balance and Bliss

Debbie Gisonni, aka The Goddess of Happiness

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