Attractive Attraction

They are sort of like the bones in your body. You can’t see them and yet they give you your shape and they determine how you move. If they change, everything changes. You can imagine them like the wood frame of a house.
Concealed behind the walls, it gives the dwelling its form and character. To change the house, to build an extension or to dormer the roof, the frame must be altered.

I’m talking about your beliefs. Not the ones you can easily
name, like believing in a religion or in a political cause. It’s the invisible ones. The ones
that give your personality its shape. The ones that determine where you stand and how
you move. Those are the unseen structures that exert more influence in your life than
just about anything else.

In the same way that the shape of the bones of your arm let your elbow bend one way
and not the other, the invisible assumptions that you hold let your consciousness move
in one way and not another. Ultimately, it means your life unfolds in that way. Like an
elbow, it can’t go the other way.

Poof

When they are old, habitual and unconscious, these beliefs are not so different from the
two-by-fours in your walls. Your frame-like thought-forms build your reality its theatre.

They give your reality the semblance of being hard and fixed. The architecture doesn’t
budge. Reality seems solid.

But unlike their earthy, wooden cousins the two-by-fours, these structural beliefs can
change, dissolve and completely transform in the blink of an eye. Then, poof, the whole
house changes form. In the case of the body, it suddenly becomes flexible where it had
been stiff and cramped. The structure of the mind, having changed shape, changes the
shape of your life.

You can’t see them
I was struggling with a computer problem. I spent four hours creating and deleting and
creating and deleting folders and not only did I not fix the problem, I created a much
bigger one.

I decided to get myself out of the hole I was digging and to spend some time tending to
my vibration. I looked at the bigger picture. I invited my native enthusiasm about the
project. I re-ignited the calling of my heart that led me to this journey in the first place.
With my passion reawakened, I was able to realize that this was just a little technical
snag. No big deal. I got myself very, very happy about my project and about
everything that was going magnificently well. I stoked my faith that it would all work
out. Even though nothing had changed on my screen, I was feeling pretty good.

The next day, I received an email from tech support suggesting that I double-check my
folders. The technician explained that the program would not work if all the folders
were in another folder.

The funny thing was that I was working under the assumption that they had to be in
that other folder in order to work.

This was an invisible assumption. It never even occurred to me to ask about this
because I didn’t think it was in question.

It was causing my whole project to fail. And it all boiled down to an invisible
assumption.

This was just a little technical snafu. What about the bigger issues in life? What about
anxiety and depression? What about our addictions and our struggles?
Seeing Through
All these difficult states of consciousness are built on beliefs. The kind you don’t even
know you have. Within the emotional walls of anxiety you’ll find the two-by-fours of a
belief in disempowerment. They are hidden within the structure of depression. They
give rage its shape.
How do you renovate your beliefs? How do you change the shape and functionality of
your life? It requires looking through the situation rather than at it. For as long as you
may look at your elbow, you don’t see the articulation of the bones. All you know is
which way it bends.

In order to look through the situation you must stop thinking the situation is fixed and
real and final. You look through it when you pay attention to how you feel. Abraham*
tells us that our emotions are our guidance system. They are also your x-ray machine.
They tell you what is going on under the skin of the situation. They tell you the shape
of the underlying bones. They reveal the structure behind the walls.

Under Construction

Here’s a quick little exercise you can do to start moving walls and adding extensions to
your reality.

1. First find something you love about your reality just the way it is. Find a space of
appreciation from which to launch your project.

2. As you think about the unwanted situation in your life, notice how it feels to you.

3. Understand this feeling as a structure.

4. Imagine yourself changing the structure. Make it a space that feels wonderful and
just right for you. Shift the frame. Move the walls. Add doors and windows if you like.

Do anything that feels a little bit better to you. Do it quickly and easily. Don’t think
about it too much. You can’t do this wrong.

When you revisit this previously difficult area of your life, you may feel more open to
new possibilities than you have ever been. You may be surprised at your frequent
discovery of solutions that were “staring you in the face” the whole time. And your
joints may suddenly become more limber, too.

All structures in your life benefit from even a few moments of tending to the structure
of your invisible assumptions. And the best part of it is that you don’t have to know
what these assumptions are. All you have to know is how you want to feel in your new
dwelling.

© Rebbie Straubing

You can receive Dr. Rebbie Straubing’s Free e-Course,
“7 Secrets for Manifesting Your Heart’s Desire,” at
http://www.yofa.net

Rebbie is a workshop leader, Abraham Coach, and writer.

To find or harmonize a relationship, visit http://www.GreatRelationships.net

Increase your awareness of Divine Love and begin a meditation practice in 3 minutes at the Affirmative Contemplation website, http://www.AffirmativeContemplation.com

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As a wholeness coach, I so often hear the rather desperate sounding comments of clients who want to find their soulmate, even amongst those who are presently married. (obviously unhappily) Most individuals long for companionship, someone with whom to share their life, instead of continued aloneness. Yet so many individuals find themselves alone night after night, dreaming of that “perfect” soulmate.

Some years ago I found myself divorced and into the dating scene for the first time since my early twenties, when I had married. It was scary to me because I wanted a deeper relationship this time, one in which I could have a best friend, a support person, a companion, lots of laughter, and above all a deep spiritual connection - that longed-for soulmate connection. If this is what you are looking for, then I invite you to continue reading.

I went on a few dates but there was no chemistry, and I quickly realized, since I was very particular about who I would date, this was not going to be easy. My standards are high and I knew what I didn’t want, so dating became a bit of a chore. Some of my friends attempted to fix me up but that didn’t appeal to me. Others convinced me to join some singles groups, but I found the guys in those groups the opposite of my desires. Some people actually tried to get me to look for someone on an internet matching website. Instead I chose to remain home most weekends or went out with girlfriends when they were available. I knew there was someone for me somewhere and I simply asked God to take over with this request. I did become a workaholic for a while; with a new business I had much to do. And then there were my children.

Months went by, even a couple years, and a very dear male friend and I were talking one day. Although he wasn’t but a few years older than me he felt more like a father figure - very wise and very caring. I mentioned how I couldn’t find anybody I wanted to date and wondered how long it would take to find my soulmate. (He had attracted his soulmate years ago.) From his deep wisdom he said he had a fool-proof way for me to attract my soulmate right to my door. I was all ears!

Here is what his instructions were. First, I was to write down everything I wanted in this man. He said to be very specific and include everything, focusing mainly on the qualities of the person rather than the physical. He then told me that when I was finished I was to call him no matter what time it was. So I wrote my list, 19 qualities in all, and called him back. He had me read them to him, then to my amazement he asked if any of those 19 things were things I didn’t do well. I looked them over and decided there were four things that needed some work. (one was to have fun, including lots of laughter) To that he replied that I was to work on those four things and when they were completed my soulmate would show up.

Why did he say this? Because we are magnets. We’re composed of energy and whatever we are we attract the same to us. This meant that in order for me to attract someone with the 19 qualities I wanted, I had to be those qualities first. Yikes! Talk about putting the responsibility back on my shoulders. This meant I had some work to do on me and it was probably going to take some time.

I began working on those qualities that I lacked and guess what happened. I learned to like myself, even love myself, and I actually got to the point of enjoying my own company! I grew stronger and more confident, wrote a couple books among other things, and came to the realization that when the timing was right this person would show up. I learned to have fun in simple ways that before were not in my comprehension. And I shifted my attitude into one of gratitude. You see, when you place an intention out to the universe, the universe begins the process of bringing it to you. By saying “thank you,” even though it isn’t here yet, you are acknowledging that you believe your request is coming. This is a positive affirmation of your belief that you deserve the good you are intending.

Waiting is the hardest part for everyone. People by nature want what they want when they want it, no waiting, so often go about trying to make something happen on their own. (Perhaps this is why the credit card industry and individuals using credit has gotten so out of hand!) You may find someone but when doing the hunting yourself and not waiting for the person the universe is bringing per your desire, it will create another detour in your life with more lessons to learn. In addition, if you push ahead to find this person and you haven’t completed all the work on yourself, you will actually attract (find) someone less than you desire. The reason is that you will be attracting someone where you are at that moment; it’s all about your vibration connecting with their vibration at the same level.

A couple years went by, months that were filled with working on me, finding that inner happiness that is the only true happiness. I learned along the way that I am valuable, worthy of all good, and I decided not to compromise in any way as I waited for my soulmate. When opportunities arose for a date I might proceed with caution, but if it didn’t feel right I simply said “no thank you.” Again it meant waiting and not compromising what I wanted.

Then it happened. I wasn’t expecting it as I was busy living my life and happy in it. He seemed nice and yet the thought of him as my soulmate didn’t really cross my mind. We dated some but I considered him more of a friend. But something began to happen. Over the weeks I noticed that one by one those 19 qualities I had asked for in a man were surfacing. And one day I realized he had all 19 and it blew my mind. I never suspected he was the gift the universe had sent me until I opened up my eyes wide. Sometimes a gift is right in front of your face but you don’t see it clearly. Wow! This does work!

So yes, this foolproof way of invoking your soulmate is authentic. You will have to wait for the perfect timing of it to unfold. Patience is an art. Waiting always brings you the desire of your heart unless you get in the way. If you try to make it happen when you want it to happen, you are getting in the way. Let me summarize the steps to attracting your perfect person to you. (Perfect doesn’t mean they are perfect in all they do, but it does mean they are a perfect fit for you!)

1. Make a physical list of ALL the qualities you wish for
this person to have. Be very specific. Physical characteristics are okay to list as well, but focus on the inner qualities. Keep your list visible so you can read it over frequently, perhaps even placing it on your bathroom mirror.

2. Any qualities on your list that you don’t do well, begin working on changing them. Remember that you are the magnet and so you must become what you desire in another.

3. Continue to be thankful for this person who is coming to you in divine timing.

4. Let your quest go completely. Get out of the way of the universal energy that is now working on fulfilling your request. Know that you do not need to do anything. This is
key because humans by nature think they must do something in order to get what they want. Actually, everything in alignment with your soul’s true desire comes effortlessly.

5. Patiently wait. Go about your life with the knowing that all is coming to you that you desire.

The beauty in all this is the ease at which it is brought to you when you are in the place of knowing, peace and trust. If you are continually bemoaning your lack of a soulmate, worrying about it, or even angry because this soulmate isn’t finding you, you are in a negative emotional vibration of fear, and you can only bring more of the same into new life experiences. I know because I did this. But when I switched to the place of allowing the universe to do the work and let go of my negative patterns, not only did I become happy and at peace with me, but my desire showed up in divine timing.

In all of life the same principle works. Create an intention of what you desire, making sure it comes from a loving thought. Put it out to the universe and be thankful for it because by getting out of the way it will come to you in perfect timing. This is not just head knowledge, for head knowledge alone will not work. It is an inner knowing that all is working together for you. This has never failed in my life and the same can be true for your life. The universe wants to bring your desires to you. So why not try it? You will be amazed at the wonderful results!

Carolyn Porter, D. Div., is an author of multiple books, ebooks and audios, inspirational speaker, spiritual wholeness coach, trainer for public speaking, energy facilitator, whose passion in life is to help idnividuals move beyond their present limitations and become all they are meant to become. Visit her website at http://www.drcarolynporter.com for more information.

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Balancing thought and action is a challenge for many people, especially those who are self-employed. How much time should you spend thinking vs. doing? We hear things like, “failing to plan is planning to fail,” implying that careful thought must govern all action. But then there are also the cries of, “Do it now! Do it now! Do it now!” pressing for immediate action.

How do you know when to think vs. when to act? Where’s the point of balance between analysis paralysis on the thinking side and excessive impulsivity on the action side?

It seems clear you need a good balance between the two, especially when running your own business. Both are important.

I used to have this problem of wondering whether I was overacting and under-thinking or over-planning and under-acting, but the problem ceased to exist when I shifted my perspective on a different level. Now it feels to me that thought and action are more similar than they are different. One is a mental action; the other is a physical one.

I think the feeling of imbalance between thought and action is itself a symptom of a greater internal incongruence. You think you need to balance the two when they’re both taking you in different directions. You think in one direction but act in another.

It’s easy to fall into this state of imbalance when you experience a moderate perspective shift in your thinking, but your past momentum still rules your actions. So you keep working under your previous paradigm but thinking under your new paradigm. That’s when you’ll begin feeling a division between thought and action. You get results from both, but each is taking you in a slightly different direction. So you end up constantly questioning which is the right way to go. It seems like a conflict between thought and action, but if you look deep enough, you’ll see it’s really a conflict between two paradigms the old and the new.

I think the most common case would be when your thoughts take you in a new direction, while your actions are rooted in old habits. But it could also be the other way around, where your behavior shifts to something new, and your thoughts have yet to catch up. That can happen when your external environment forces a behavior change you move to a new city, switch jobs, enter a new relationship, etc. Your mental model of who you are hasn’t yet integrated the full extent of your new environment.

So while you can view a conflict between thought and action as causing a lack of clarity in your life, I think it’s more likely that the opposite is true a lack of clarity creates a perceived conflict between thought and action.

Thought and action can be perceived as two different dimensions of who you are: the mental you and the physical you. But there are other dimensions as well: the emotional you and the spiritual you. So one way to break through a perceived impasse between thought and action is to consult your other dimensions of emotions and spirit to see the situation from other perspectives. What do your feelings say about the conflict? What does your conscience tell you?

When you put all four of these dimensions together and collect input from all of them: the physical you, the mental you, the emotional you, and the spiritual you, you now have a lot more information about the problem, seeing all four sides instead of just two. Ultimately this allows you to envision a higher-level solution where all four of these “yous” can become congruent, all pointing in the same direction. And this will allow you to transcend the original problem entirely.

Albert Einstein said that the greatest problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them. The problem of a perceived conflict between thought and action cannot be solved at the level of thoughts and actions. You need to take a step back and see the perspectives of all four parts: body, mind, heart, and soul. Only then will a total solution begin to come into focus.

Let’s shove this abstract stuff down into a more concrete real-world example.

Suppose you run your own business. You think and plan about how to grow the business. This seems like a good idea as you enjoy running the business (at least at its current level), and it would be nice to increase your income. Growing the business seems like a pretty good idea. You feel that you have the necessary skills to do it too. But then when it comes to action, you feel stuck. You can’t seem to get moving. You keep working on urgent things, and the important growth projects stall. So you figure maybe your plans were wrong, and you go back to the comfort of doing more thinking and planning. And the same thing happens. And then you start thinking about planning and maybe that you’re over-planning, and you enter the stuck state of analysis paralysis, where your thinking becomes circular. You start to wonder why you aren’t taking action to grow the business, when your plans all look so good on paper. What’s holding you back?

At the level of thinking and action, you can’t solve the problem. You’ll just stay perpetually stuck. You may have what feels like a productive day now and then, but you won’t have that feeling of perpetual productivity that takes you through each and every day with a feeling of fulfillment and flow.

So what’s the solution? It’s time to consult the other parts of you who’ve been trying to speak up but who haven’t been heard. Start with your emotions. How do you honestly feel about growing the business? Maybe you’re getting mixed signals there. Perhaps you feel it would be great to have a bigger business, but you’re also a bit uneasy about how much more work it would mean. Your feelings further verify that you’re internally incongruent. You aren’t totally 100% committed to the idea of growing your business. It partly seems like the right thing to do, but it also partly feels wrong, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. Consulting your feelings gives you more evidence that something is wrong, but it doesn’t point you in the direction of a solution. Time to visit another advisor.

So now you consult with your spirit, your conscience, your deepest and most sacred beliefs. This is the quietest part of you, so you have to be alone and undisturbed to hear it clearly. One of the best questions to ask here is, “What should I be doing?” You can also try, “What’s true for me?” And then listen internally for the truth, not for what you want to hear. If you’re internally conflicted between thoughts, actions, and feelings, then your spiritual answer will explain why. And it won’t pull its punches. It can take some courage to listen to this inner voice and not tune it out, but this is a voice that must be heeded if you ever want to restore congruence and experience balance again.

This inner voice may say to you, “You’re not living in accordance with what you believe” or “This isn’t what you’re here to do.” It will look at your business and ask all the big questions. How will growing your business affect your character? How will it impact all the people it touches? How does it mesh with your deepest sense of right and wrong? Is it contributing? Does it truly help people in the way they most need to be helped? Are you passionate about it? Is this the best you can do?

This is a very individual process. I can’t say where it will lead in the short term, but in in the long term, listening to all four of these parts of yourself body, mind, heart, soul will help you envision a way of living where all parts of your life can become congruent. You don’t have to take a flying leap into living spiritually and go broke doing it. All four parts can be in balance. But you have to listen to all four and get their input in order to understand the direction where that balance lies.

I believe all four dimensions have their own valid perspective. One perspective is no better or worse than another. Some problems are simple enough that they only need a single perspective to solve them. Your body can tackle the challenge of eating a meal without much conscious thought. Your mind can solve a math problem without needing to consult your feelings. Your emotions can signal danger without consulting your spirit. But sometimes these parts don’t listen to each other. Your body tries to gobble up the junk food while your mind says, “Put that donut down!” Your mind focuses on negative outcomes while your emotions say, “You’re stressing me out here!” And you start plotting revenge out of anger while your spirit says, “You believe in forgiveness.”

Each part of you has its own unique perspective, and each is wise in its own way. By listening to all four parts and iterating through them again and again, you eventually reach a state of congruence. It’s an internal negotiation process. Body wants that donut. Mind says no. Spirit says, “Blech. The donut maker treats her employees harshly.” Heart says “Mmmmm, donut!” Body says, “I’m hungry.” Mind says, “OK, you can have a muffin instead.” Spirit says, “Make sure it’s organic.” Body says, “OK, I’ll have an organic banana nut muffin.” Heart says, “Banana nut now that’s good muffin!”

The same goes for career. Body wants big salary. Mind wants interesting work that fits our talents. Heart wants fun. Spirit wants meaningful contribution. Body says, “Contribution? You trying to starve us?” Heart says, “Contribution would make us feel good, but I don’t want to do dull and boring work all day.” Spirit says, “Mind, figure out how contribution can be fun.” Mind says, “It has to be a form of service that fits our talents so we’re good at it, and our passion so we enjoy it.” Heart says, “Mmmmmm, passion.” Body says, “Excuse me, but how the heck are we gonna make a living at this?” Mind says, “If we do what we’re best at, and there’s a demand for it, people will be happy to pay us for it.” Body says, “You’ll have to do better than that to convince me. I know we can make $X right now doing Y, and that’s good enough for me.” Mind says, “Here, eat this muffin while I think about it.” Heart says, “I wouldn’t feel good working only for money.” Spirit says, “Everybody make a list of the types of careers that could satisfy you.”

Everybody makes their own list. They all negotiate back and forth until they find one that pleases all of them. Heart rejects accountant. Spirit rejects the adult web site idea. Mind rejects professional athlete. Body rejects psychologist. They eventually reject everything on every list and have to go back to make new lists, but they do a better job the second time because now they understand what the others want. So they each start listing ideas that have a better chance of acceptance by all. And after a while they find a few that actually work, and they pick the best of those. Through this internal negotiation process, they discover the best option, so they can finally commit. Congruence is achieved, and moving forward, the new career will satisfy all four parts as fully as possible. All perceived conflict between thought vs. action vanishes. Thoughts, actions, feelings, and beliefs are all headed in the same direction.

Copyright © Steve Pavlina

Steve Pavlina
Personal Development for Smart People
http://www.stevepavlina.com
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog (blog)
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles (articles)

Steve is intensely growth-oriented. He trained in martial arts, ran the L.A. Marathon, and graduated from college in three semesters with two degrees. He can juggle, count cards at blackjack, and make damn good guacamole. Steve is also a polyphasic sleeper, sleeping just 2-3 hours per day and only 20 minutes at a time. So chances are good that he’s awake right now.

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