Attractive Attraction

I think some people set about making friends the wrong way. They go out of their way to impress them or tell them of the great accomplishments that they have done. While this tactic might indeed impress people, it does not generate true friendship. This article will tell you the simple secret of how to make more friends.

All People are Inherently Selfish

Some people might be taken aback by this comment by saying, “I’m not selfish!!” Well, selfishness as it applies to this context is not a bad thing. It’s how we are wired as human beings. We seek out things that we need in life. The people who state that they are not selfish are the ones who are living comfortably and have most of what they want in life. But lets take that same person and remove their expensive cars, their home, their loved onesin fact lets remove everything that they have and place them in a locked room with 50 other people. Then let’s say that we are going to provide these 50 people with food, but only enough food for 25 of them.

Will this person still think of themselves as unselfish now? Chances are that they will fight just like the other 50 people for that food in order to survive. This need-based example is what Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs model is based on. Our motivation in life is selfish by designwe seek out things that are good for us; first attending to those things necessary for survival, then safety and emotional needs, and only when we satisfy most of our needs do we feel compelled to offer to others.

They Don’t Really Care About Your Life

Okay, that’s not entirely true with all people, but for the most part, and with strangers, they could care less about your life and your achievements and anything else you have done. Boasting about the great things you have done when conversing with people at a social gathering might make for interesting conversation, but it won’t help you gain friends because your stories are really just not important to them.

Using People’s Selfish Behavior to Make Friends

Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Why do you think the question, “What do you do for a living,” is such a popular one? People love to talk about their lives and one crucial need that people have is to be heard and acknowledged by other people. It is this need that you can use to create more friends. By simply focusing the conversation on their lives instead of your own, you will subconsciously create value for yourself in their minds as a potential friend because you are providing them with a valuable resource of someone who will listen and acknowledge. This skill is by far the most powerful friend-building tactic out there.

Practical Verbage

Use these lines to generate rapport-building talk:

“That’s interestingplease tell me more.”

“What kinds of things do you do?”

“I’m not familiar with that. Can you explain that to me?”

“What did you think about that?”

“What kinds of things do you like?”

Tristan Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services, based out of San Diego County, Calfornia. Tristan is a former police officer, conflict intervention consultant, professional mediator, and negotiator. Tristan gained his experience by actively engaging conflict out on the streets, honing his knowledge and understanding of conflict during hundreds of dangerous encounters with hostile and violent subjects. Tristan is the author of Street Negotiation–How to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime.

For FREE Conflict Articles and Products, please visit our website at http://www.acrsonline.com or email us directly at info@acrsonline.com

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We have all heard this warning: You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Also, human behavior specialists caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us.

With this widely acknowledged pressure to make our case instantly, here are my seven tips for making your first impression strongly positive.

ONE: The greatest way to make a positive first impression is to demonstrate immediately that the other person–not you–is the center of action and conversation.

Illustrate that the spotlight is on you only, and you*ll miss opportunities for friendships, jobs, promotions, love relationships, networking, and sales. Show that you are other-centered, and first-time acquaintances will be eager to see you again.

Recently I attended a conference. At lunch, my wife and I sat with several people we didn*t know. While most of our tablemates made good impressions, one man emerged as the person we*d be sure to avoid all weekend. He talked about himself, non-stop. Only rarely did anyone else get a chance to speak. Unfortunately, he probably thought he was captivating us with his life story.

I applaud this definition of a bore: Somebody who talks about himself so much that you don*t get to talk about yourself.

TWO: You*ll make a superb initial impression when you demonstrate good listening skills. Give positive verbal cues:

Hmmm. . .interesting! Tell me more, please. What did you do next?

Just as actors benefit from prompts, your conversational partner will welcome your assistance in keeping the exchange going.

Nonverbally, you show you*re a skilled listener by maintaining steady eye contact. Remember how you respond to the social gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the next person he or she wants to corner. Remember, and offer full attention to everyone you meet.

THREE: Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. Example: Judy, I like that suggestion. Or: Your vacation must have been exciting, Fred. You show that you have paid attention from the start, catching the name during the introduction. Equally as important, you*ll make conversations more personal by including the listener*s name several times.

FOUR: Be careful with humor.

Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don*t know a stranger*s sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can*t overcome, either now or later.

FIVE: Give up the need to be right.

This was Dr. Wayne Dyer*s advice in his wonderful book, Real Magic. Confrontations with somebody you*ve just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another*s statements.

SIX: Appearance counts.

Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me for lunch. I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a sport coat and tie. When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the message he conveyed was: Bill, meeting you is a rather ordinary experience, and doesn*t call for me to present a business-like appearance. Not surprisingly, that was the last time I met with him.

True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a communication seminar I conducted. She said: I don*t dress for the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have.

SEVEN: Speak clearly, confidently, and convincingly.

As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an individual*s speaking style impacts the first impression, maybe more than we wish. Listeners judge our intelligence, our cultural level, our education, even our leadership ability by the words we select–and by how we say them.

Think of Professor Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady, who changed a so-called guttersnipe into a lady, by teaching her to speak skillfully. While none of us occupies the lowly level of Eliza Doolittle, we can keep her example in mind. Rather than mumble, speak so you*re easily heard. Enunciate clearly. Alter your pitch, to avoid the dullness of a monotone. Display animation in both voice and facial expression. Gesture naturally, without canning your movements.

Keep these seven tips in mind. They will reduce your fear of business and social encounters with unfamiliar faces. More positively, you*ll start enjoying poise and success that you thought were beyond your reach.

About The Author

Bill Lampton, Ph.D., wrote The Complete Communicator: Change Your Communication, Change Your Life! As a business consultant, speaker and coach, he helps organizations improve their communication, motivation, customer service and sales.

His Web site: http://www.ChampionshipCommunication.com

E-mail: mailto:drbill@ChampionshipCommunication.com

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Surely you’ve heard of the concept ‘your thoughts create your future.’

I think this is currently being talked about in all of the self-improvement programs. And, who of us has not read nearly all of them?

Why we think we need self-improvement, I don’t know.

Aren’t we just fine the way we are. . . Divine Beings, and such. Actually, I believe we are looking more for ‘transformation’ rather than self improvement. Okay, another topic for another day.

Back to THIS topic.

When you look at your life you may not be able to make the connection between your thoughts and what’s happening. To you it may seem that the two are entirely separate.

For many, many years I did not make the connection either.

However, after studying and coming to understand the Universal Laws and learning about Energy, I can now see how my thoughts, feelings, energy vibration and actions have been the determining factor in almost all that has transpired in my life.

Yep, I brought about all those ’stuff ups’. Likewise, I’ve brought about some truly wonderful happenings. . . and, will continue to do so.

So, ‘who or what’ is responsible for our having or not having what we want? Is it that thing, or that person or?

Let’s explore further the idea of ‘your thoughts create your future’. Following are the basics of how this works.

We live in a Manifesting Universe that is governed by numerous Universal Laws.

As an example, whether we believe it or not, we see proof of gravity working every day. (Thank the Universe for this!) We probably don’t understand how it works. Yet, it does.

There are many laws that operate without our conscious attention, belief or understanding.

One Universal Law in particular determines whether you have money, positive relationships, success or anything else of value in your life.

It determines whether you live a life that is full of worry, fear and stress, or a life that is joyful and carefree.

This law is called ‘The Law of Attraction‘.

If you don’t understand how this law affects your life, your life will probably appear to be unbalanced and uncertain. You will spend your time ‘reacting’ to everything and everyone around you, instead of taking proper action.

I feel confident you have heard the saying that “like attracts like”.

Why? You may wonder just what causes ‘like to attract like’?

The answer is. . . Everything in our Universe is made up of ENERGY.

Our thoughts are made up of energy. You are made up of energy. Everything is simply energy in varying forms.

Quantum physics has proven that this is true. And, science has proven that ‘like energy attracts like energy’.

All energy has specific magnetic proprieties.

Therefore, we are like magnets. As magnets, we are attracting things continuously, even when we are not aware of it.

This magnetic energy is also ‘vibrating’ at different frequencies. These frequencies determine the magnetic properties of the energy that we are vibrating.

Being so, it is your energy, your vibration, in alignment with the Law of Attraction which is the key to making changes in your life and attracting whatever you desire.

It is how you FEEL that brings about your personal energy vibration. And, of course, our thoughts tend to determine how we feel.

So, you see, creating and manifesting does begin with thought. Yet, there is more that follows and combines to actually complete the process.

Right now you are possibly believing that this is a lot of metaphysical mumbo jumbo. Well, like with the gravity example, it doesn’t matter what we believe about this. It still works.

Unfortunately, a large number of people live their lives just accepting things as they are. They hope for the best and all the while accept the worse.

They spend all their time focusing on and thinking about their problems rather than imagining and feeling the energy of how they want their lives to be.

You know. . . it’s that ‘life of quiet desperation’ thing. This is sad and is not how our lives are intended to be.

Once you understand the Law of Attraction and Energy and then align yourself with how it all works, you can change the circumstances in your life, if you want. You can attract to you that which you want.

Through your thoughts, your feelings, your energy vibration and your actions you can create and manifest how your life unfolds!

Related articles and related quality recommended resources can be found at Charlsie’s site: www.manifestinguniverse.com. Please visit, and while there be sure to download your 7 Free chapters from ‘Our Ultimate Reality’, your Free 7 part Energy mini-course. . . and more.

For over 15 years Charlsie has been consciously on (and off, on and off. . . well, you know) the path to transformation and greater awareness. Much of her time is spent observing nature, exploring metaphysics and pondering on the so-called mysteries of our Universe. Charlse has studied various modalities of energy work and is certified in all levels of Reiki.

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