Attractive Attraction

We have all heard this warning: You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Also, human behavior specialists caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us.

With this widely acknowledged pressure to make our case instantly, here are my seven tips for making your first impression strongly positive.

ONE: The greatest way to make a positive first impression is to demonstrate immediately that the other person–not you–is the center of action and conversation.

Illustrate that the spotlight is on you only, and you*ll miss opportunities for friendships, jobs, promotions, love relationships, networking, and sales. Show that you are other-centered, and first-time acquaintances will be eager to see you again.

Recently I attended a conference. At lunch, my wife and I sat with several people we didn*t know. While most of our tablemates made good impressions, one man emerged as the person we*d be sure to avoid all weekend. He talked about himself, non-stop. Only rarely did anyone else get a chance to speak. Unfortunately, he probably thought he was captivating us with his life story.

I applaud this definition of a bore: Somebody who talks about himself so much that you don*t get to talk about yourself.

TWO: You*ll make a superb initial impression when you demonstrate good listening skills. Give positive verbal cues:

Hmmm. . .interesting! Tell me more, please. What did you do next?

Just as actors benefit from prompts, your conversational partner will welcome your assistance in keeping the exchange going.

Nonverbally, you show you*re a skilled listener by maintaining steady eye contact. Remember how you respond to the social gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the next person he or she wants to corner. Remember, and offer full attention to everyone you meet.

THREE: Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. Example: Judy, I like that suggestion. Or: Your vacation must have been exciting, Fred. You show that you have paid attention from the start, catching the name during the introduction. Equally as important, you*ll make conversations more personal by including the listener*s name several times.

FOUR: Be careful with humor.

Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don*t know a stranger*s sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can*t overcome, either now or later.

FIVE: Give up the need to be right.

This was Dr. Wayne Dyer*s advice in his wonderful book, Real Magic. Confrontations with somebody you*ve just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another*s statements.

SIX: Appearance counts.

Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me for lunch. I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a sport coat and tie. When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the message he conveyed was: Bill, meeting you is a rather ordinary experience, and doesn*t call for me to present a business-like appearance. Not surprisingly, that was the last time I met with him.

True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a communication seminar I conducted. She said: I don*t dress for the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have.

SEVEN: Speak clearly, confidently, and convincingly.

As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an individual*s speaking style impacts the first impression, maybe more than we wish. Listeners judge our intelligence, our cultural level, our education, even our leadership ability by the words we select–and by how we say them.

Think of Professor Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady, who changed a so-called guttersnipe into a lady, by teaching her to speak skillfully. While none of us occupies the lowly level of Eliza Doolittle, we can keep her example in mind. Rather than mumble, speak so you*re easily heard. Enunciate clearly. Alter your pitch, to avoid the dullness of a monotone. Display animation in both voice and facial expression. Gesture naturally, without canning your movements.

Keep these seven tips in mind. They will reduce your fear of business and social encounters with unfamiliar faces. More positively, you*ll start enjoying poise and success that you thought were beyond your reach.

About The Author

Bill Lampton, Ph.D., wrote The Complete Communicator: Change Your Communication, Change Your Life! As a business consultant, speaker and coach, he helps organizations improve their communication, motivation, customer service and sales.

His Web site: http://www.ChampionshipCommunication.com

E-mail: mailto:drbill@ChampionshipCommunication.com

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Do you remember your childhood dreams of career choices, the man/woman of your dreams, or the prized sports car? Did you replace them with new dreams as you got older as most people do? Have you attained your dreams? If not, why?

The saying, ‘We are the creators of our own destiny’ is right on the mark! We spend a great deal of time thinking about what we want. What we want to be when we grow up, the type of lifestyle we would like to lead, the location and type of home we would like to own, but so many of these dreams do not come to fruition. Why? Because they are often just yearnings, hopes, or the proverbial brass ring. But they need not be. You can actually attain the things you have always wished for, but you need more than a vague idea of what it is that is truly desired. You need to deliberately pursue your goal to create your reality.

Dreams and aspirations are kind of like seeds in a garden. Would you just plant seeds and leave them to fend for themselves, expecting them to grow into the desired fruit, vegetable, or flower? Of course not. Without water to stay quenched, fertilizer for growth, and regular weeding your seeds would not thrive at all. In fact they would just wither away. That is exactly what can happen to your dreams. They will never flourish without thought, attention, and energy. Deliberateness is needed. It is the process of putting action to your intentions that will help manifest your dreams.
Claire has fallen into just such a rut. She has been a waitress for nearly three years but she dreams of much more. Since the age of three she has wanted to be a dancer. Claire is quite good, but she has yet to act on her goals professionally. Instead she attends dance classes during the day and waitresses at night, dreaming of how different things will be once she is finally discovered.

During her lunch break she goes a few doors down to meet her friend Sam. Sam is a man on a mission. He works as a waiter in the evenings, takes classes in the morning and pounds the pavement, literally or virtually in between. Sam has had the dream of becoming a freelance writer ever since he can remember. But instead of hoping that his dream comes true, Sam is helping his dreams along by putting action into play. Unlike Claire, he is making contacts with agents and publishers, is part of a writer’s workshop and even donates his writing to a few not-for-profit organizations. Sam is insuring that his work is seen by as many people as he can, thus increasing his chances for success.

Claire and Sam are both people with ambitious dreams, but they are clearly going about attaining them in two very different ways. Claire is waiting for her dreams to materialize, while Sam is setting out to make his happen. Are you more like Claire or Sam? If your dreams have not yet become a reality, take some time to reflect on the reasons why. Ask yourself if there was something that you could have done to help them along? If the answer is yes, then you have a starting point for action. Assemble a plan for how you are going to achieve your dreams. Action takes courage, the universe recognizes courage as an acknowledgement that you are ready to handle the next step, whatever that next step may be. If you keep working towards your dreams and aspirations, you WILL achieve them. Use action as the catalyst and watch what begins to manifest, believe me you won’t be surprised after all, you made it become reality.

Eva Gregory, master coach, speaker and author of The Feel Good Guide To Prosperity, http://www.feelgoodguide.com, has instructed thousands on the Laws of Attraction in person, on the radio and in dozens of teleconference training seminars and programs. She is the author of several books and e-books and has co-developed several telephone-based and internet-based training courses on the Laws of Attraction. Her most popular program to date is her Leading Edge Living One Year Success Program. (http://www.leadingedgecoaching.com/Living/index.shtml) Eva is regularly featured on radio and in the media and is a recognized authority on the Laws of Attraction. To learn more about her products and services, visit Leading Edge Coaching, http://www.leadingedgecoching.com

NOTE: You’re welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to eva@coacheva.com

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Does worrying about what others think of you, or what you are doing cause you anxiety and sleepless nights? Do you tailor your actions or behavior to the opinions of others? If so, then have I found a book title for you! I have not read the book by Terry Cole Whitaker, but when I saw it, it really struck a chord. The title is “What You Think of Me is None of My Business”. How cool is that?! Doesn’t it make you go, “hmmm”?

Imagine how liberating it would be to adopt this title as your personal motto and put it into practice. Envision yourself looking at the captions on a magazine cover and not caring what the latest expert says is acceptable, fashionable, or tolerable. How about being able to attend this year’s holiday parties without caring what colleagues, acquaintances, relatives or friends are thinking about you? Can you feel the self-confidence and positive energy that radiates when you make the decision to let someone else take ownership of their beliefs, ideas, or negativity? Phyllis, Julie and Trevor had to experience it first hand to feel it.

Phyllis, Julie, and Trevor have been friends since childhood. They have mutual friends and work for the same company. They have also all experienced the phenomena of letting someone else’s hang-ups become their own. They were not looking forward to the holiday season because they knew what kinds of comments typically awaited them. This year they got together at Thanksgiving and decided that they were tired of being victims. They prepared for the holiday festivities with excitement knowing that THEY were going to seize control, and that they had each other for support.

When Phyllis arrived at the company Christmas party alone and immediately ran into a very happily married co-worker, instead of letting her co-worker’s snide comment about being dateless bother her, she replied that she welcomed the opportunity to meet other people, and had intentionally come solo. She felt great as she walked away and left her co-worker fumbling for a retort. How good it felt to not worry about what someone else thought for a change. She felt in control and intended to thoroughly enjoy her evening.

When Julie left the dance floor looking for a cool drink, her ex-husband walked up to her and remarked that she looked good despite the extra pounds that she had put on. Instead of getting self-conscious, Julie told him that she was glad he thought so, and that she hadn’t felt so good in years. Just as he was about to say something, someone walked up to her and asked her to dance. Julie felt great as she danced off. She stood in HER truth and the outcome was fantastic.

Trevor stood back and observed the crowd. He had seen the exchanges that the girls had, and he was impressed. He hoped that he could follow through too. He knew that his co-workers joked about the fact that he still lived at home at his age, and he knew that the word had leaked into the neighboring office where Shelby worked. He wanted to ask her out, but was not sure how receptive she would be. After all, most men over 30 do not live at home. As he turned to find Phyllis to ask for advice, he bumped right into Shelby and had to grab her to keep her from falling! He immediately apologized and was amazed when she said that she was looking for him. He asked her to dance and while they were dancing she told him that she still lived at home too! Trevor was so pleased that he did not revert to his “old ways”. Had he paid attention to what his co-workers thought of him, he never would have asked her to dance.

The next day, when the three friends got together to reminisce, they had all learned a great deal from their “Coming Out”. They learned that being true to themselves was incredibly rewarding. They had not pay attention to the shoulds and ought to’s that typically surround them and decided to let the people with the beliefs worry about them, while they enjoyed their night. They were happy and had much higher self-esteem the next day. They knew that they were going to continue living their lives with the new motto firmly in place.

Are you being authentic and standing in your truth? Where are you letting others’ beliefs and expectations dictate your life? Are you minding someone else’s business? If so, isn’t it time to start doing your own thing and mind your own business? It’s their hang-up, not yours! My challenge to you is to release worrying about what others think of you and be willing to be your true, authentic self. The quality of your life will improve radically!

Eva Gregory, master coach, speaker and author of The Feel Good Guide To Prosperity, http://www.feelgoodguide.com, has instructed thousands on the Laws of Attraction in person, on the radio and in dozens of teleconference training seminars and programs. She is the author of several books and e-books and has co-developed several telephone-based and internet-based training courses on the Laws of Attraction. Her most popular program to date is her Leading Edge Living One Year Success Program. (http://www.leadingedgecoaching.com/Living/index.shtml) Eva is regularly featured on radio and in the media and is a recognized authority on the Laws of Attraction. To learn more about her products and services, visit Leading Edge Coaching, http://www.leadingedgecoching.com

NOTE: You’re welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to eva@coacheva.com

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