Attractive Attraction

I think some people set about making friends the wrong way. They go out of their way to impress them or tell them of the great accomplishments that they have done. While this tactic might indeed impress people, it does not generate true friendship. This article will tell you the simple secret of how to make more friends.

All People are Inherently Selfish

Some people might be taken aback by this comment by saying, “I’m not selfish!!” Well, selfishness as it applies to this context is not a bad thing. It’s how we are wired as human beings. We seek out things that we need in life. The people who state that they are not selfish are the ones who are living comfortably and have most of what they want in life. But lets take that same person and remove their expensive cars, their home, their loved onesin fact lets remove everything that they have and place them in a locked room with 50 other people. Then let’s say that we are going to provide these 50 people with food, but only enough food for 25 of them.

Will this person still think of themselves as unselfish now? Chances are that they will fight just like the other 50 people for that food in order to survive. This need-based example is what Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs model is based on. Our motivation in life is selfish by designwe seek out things that are good for us; first attending to those things necessary for survival, then safety and emotional needs, and only when we satisfy most of our needs do we feel compelled to offer to others.

They Don’t Really Care About Your Life

Okay, that’s not entirely true with all people, but for the most part, and with strangers, they could care less about your life and your achievements and anything else you have done. Boasting about the great things you have done when conversing with people at a social gathering might make for interesting conversation, but it won’t help you gain friends because your stories are really just not important to them.

Using People’s Selfish Behavior to Make Friends

Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Why do you think the question, “What do you do for a living,” is such a popular one? People love to talk about their lives and one crucial need that people have is to be heard and acknowledged by other people. It is this need that you can use to create more friends. By simply focusing the conversation on their lives instead of your own, you will subconsciously create value for yourself in their minds as a potential friend because you are providing them with a valuable resource of someone who will listen and acknowledge. This skill is by far the most powerful friend-building tactic out there.

Practical Verbage

Use these lines to generate rapport-building talk:

“That’s interestingplease tell me more.”

“What kinds of things do you do?”

“I’m not familiar with that. Can you explain that to me?”

“What did you think about that?”

“What kinds of things do you like?”

Tristan Loo is the founder of Alternative Conflict Resolution Services, based out of San Diego County, Calfornia. Tristan is a former police officer, conflict intervention consultant, professional mediator, and negotiator. Tristan gained his experience by actively engaging conflict out on the streets, honing his knowledge and understanding of conflict during hundreds of dangerous encounters with hostile and violent subjects. Tristan is the author of Street Negotiation–How to Resolve Any Conflict Anytime.

For FREE Conflict Articles and Products, please visit our website at http://www.acrsonline.com or email us directly at info@acrsonline.com

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Do you remember your childhood dreams of career choices, the man/woman of your dreams, or the prized sports car? Did you replace them with new dreams as you got older as most people do? Have you attained your dreams? If not, why?

The saying, ‘We are the creators of our own destiny’ is right on the mark! We spend a great deal of time thinking about what we want. What we want to be when we grow up, the type of lifestyle we would like to lead, the location and type of home we would like to own, but so many of these dreams do not come to fruition. Why? Because they are often just yearnings, hopes, or the proverbial brass ring. But they need not be. You can actually attain the things you have always wished for, but you need more than a vague idea of what it is that is truly desired. You need to deliberately pursue your goal to create your reality.

Dreams and aspirations are kind of like seeds in a garden. Would you just plant seeds and leave them to fend for themselves, expecting them to grow into the desired fruit, vegetable, or flower? Of course not. Without water to stay quenched, fertilizer for growth, and regular weeding your seeds would not thrive at all. In fact they would just wither away. That is exactly what can happen to your dreams. They will never flourish without thought, attention, and energy. Deliberateness is needed. It is the process of putting action to your intentions that will help manifest your dreams.
Claire has fallen into just such a rut. She has been a waitress for nearly three years but she dreams of much more. Since the age of three she has wanted to be a dancer. Claire is quite good, but she has yet to act on her goals professionally. Instead she attends dance classes during the day and waitresses at night, dreaming of how different things will be once she is finally discovered.

During her lunch break she goes a few doors down to meet her friend Sam. Sam is a man on a mission. He works as a waiter in the evenings, takes classes in the morning and pounds the pavement, literally or virtually in between. Sam has had the dream of becoming a freelance writer ever since he can remember. But instead of hoping that his dream comes true, Sam is helping his dreams along by putting action into play. Unlike Claire, he is making contacts with agents and publishers, is part of a writer’s workshop and even donates his writing to a few not-for-profit organizations. Sam is insuring that his work is seen by as many people as he can, thus increasing his chances for success.

Claire and Sam are both people with ambitious dreams, but they are clearly going about attaining them in two very different ways. Claire is waiting for her dreams to materialize, while Sam is setting out to make his happen. Are you more like Claire or Sam? If your dreams have not yet become a reality, take some time to reflect on the reasons why. Ask yourself if there was something that you could have done to help them along? If the answer is yes, then you have a starting point for action. Assemble a plan for how you are going to achieve your dreams. Action takes courage, the universe recognizes courage as an acknowledgement that you are ready to handle the next step, whatever that next step may be. If you keep working towards your dreams and aspirations, you WILL achieve them. Use action as the catalyst and watch what begins to manifest, believe me you won’t be surprised after all, you made it become reality.

Eva Gregory, master coach, speaker and author of The Feel Good Guide To Prosperity, http://www.feelgoodguide.com, has instructed thousands on the Laws of Attraction in person, on the radio and in dozens of teleconference training seminars and programs. She is the author of several books and e-books and has co-developed several telephone-based and internet-based training courses on the Laws of Attraction. Her most popular program to date is her Leading Edge Living One Year Success Program. (http://www.leadingedgecoaching.com/Living/index.shtml) Eva is regularly featured on radio and in the media and is a recognized authority on the Laws of Attraction. To learn more about her products and services, visit Leading Edge Coaching, http://www.leadingedgecoching.com

NOTE: You’re welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to eva@coacheva.com

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Does worrying about what others think of you, or what you are doing cause you anxiety and sleepless nights? Do you tailor your actions or behavior to the opinions of others? If so, then have I found a book title for you! I have not read the book by Terry Cole Whitaker, but when I saw it, it really struck a chord. The title is “What You Think of Me is None of My Business”. How cool is that?! Doesn’t it make you go, “hmmm”?

Imagine how liberating it would be to adopt this title as your personal motto and put it into practice. Envision yourself looking at the captions on a magazine cover and not caring what the latest expert says is acceptable, fashionable, or tolerable. How about being able to attend this year’s holiday parties without caring what colleagues, acquaintances, relatives or friends are thinking about you? Can you feel the self-confidence and positive energy that radiates when you make the decision to let someone else take ownership of their beliefs, ideas, or negativity? Phyllis, Julie and Trevor had to experience it first hand to feel it.

Phyllis, Julie, and Trevor have been friends since childhood. They have mutual friends and work for the same company. They have also all experienced the phenomena of letting someone else’s hang-ups become their own. They were not looking forward to the holiday season because they knew what kinds of comments typically awaited them. This year they got together at Thanksgiving and decided that they were tired of being victims. They prepared for the holiday festivities with excitement knowing that THEY were going to seize control, and that they had each other for support.

When Phyllis arrived at the company Christmas party alone and immediately ran into a very happily married co-worker, instead of letting her co-worker’s snide comment about being dateless bother her, she replied that she welcomed the opportunity to meet other people, and had intentionally come solo. She felt great as she walked away and left her co-worker fumbling for a retort. How good it felt to not worry about what someone else thought for a change. She felt in control and intended to thoroughly enjoy her evening.

When Julie left the dance floor looking for a cool drink, her ex-husband walked up to her and remarked that she looked good despite the extra pounds that she had put on. Instead of getting self-conscious, Julie told him that she was glad he thought so, and that she hadn’t felt so good in years. Just as he was about to say something, someone walked up to her and asked her to dance. Julie felt great as she danced off. She stood in HER truth and the outcome was fantastic.

Trevor stood back and observed the crowd. He had seen the exchanges that the girls had, and he was impressed. He hoped that he could follow through too. He knew that his co-workers joked about the fact that he still lived at home at his age, and he knew that the word had leaked into the neighboring office where Shelby worked. He wanted to ask her out, but was not sure how receptive she would be. After all, most men over 30 do not live at home. As he turned to find Phyllis to ask for advice, he bumped right into Shelby and had to grab her to keep her from falling! He immediately apologized and was amazed when she said that she was looking for him. He asked her to dance and while they were dancing she told him that she still lived at home too! Trevor was so pleased that he did not revert to his “old ways”. Had he paid attention to what his co-workers thought of him, he never would have asked her to dance.

The next day, when the three friends got together to reminisce, they had all learned a great deal from their “Coming Out”. They learned that being true to themselves was incredibly rewarding. They had not pay attention to the shoulds and ought to’s that typically surround them and decided to let the people with the beliefs worry about them, while they enjoyed their night. They were happy and had much higher self-esteem the next day. They knew that they were going to continue living their lives with the new motto firmly in place.

Are you being authentic and standing in your truth? Where are you letting others’ beliefs and expectations dictate your life? Are you minding someone else’s business? If so, isn’t it time to start doing your own thing and mind your own business? It’s their hang-up, not yours! My challenge to you is to release worrying about what others think of you and be willing to be your true, authentic self. The quality of your life will improve radically!

Eva Gregory, master coach, speaker and author of The Feel Good Guide To Prosperity, http://www.feelgoodguide.com, has instructed thousands on the Laws of Attraction in person, on the radio and in dozens of teleconference training seminars and programs. She is the author of several books and e-books and has co-developed several telephone-based and internet-based training courses on the Laws of Attraction. Her most popular program to date is her Leading Edge Living One Year Success Program. (http://www.leadingedgecoaching.com/Living/index.shtml) Eva is regularly featured on radio and in the media and is a recognized authority on the Laws of Attraction. To learn more about her products and services, visit Leading Edge Coaching, http://www.leadingedgecoching.com

NOTE: You’re welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to eva@coacheva.com

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