Attractive Attraction

How to improve and be Attractive

The Power Of The Edge

Reality has no edge. In fact, that’s how we recognize it. If it has an edge, it’s not reality.

A movie on a big screen draws you into its reality immediately. Once you lose your awareness of the edge
of the screen, the film becomes your world. A world with no edge becomes reality. For an even more
extreme experience of a simulated no-edge-reality, try on some virtual reality goggles. They fill your entire
visual field right up to the edge and so we put the word “reality” into the name of that technology. We
don’t usually get this shift in reality from watching a TV screen. The edge of the screen is always visible
and constantly whispers, “What you are watching is not real.” It’s all about the edge.

Your visual field acts as your movie screen. The genius of its design is that you can’t see the edge. Your
focus is forward. Way out at the edge your awareness blurs into unconsciousness. Since we are usually
unaware of any edge, we think what we see is reality. How you relate to the edge of your visual field, the
edge of your consciousness, the edge of your world becomes crucially important if you are interested in
taking an intentionally creative role in your own reality. Consciousness evaluates reality by any situation’s
relationship to the edge.

So, the edge has the power to make things seem unreal. And “edgelessness” is the key ingredient in reality.
We can use this information in many powerful ways as we move through life’s contrasting offerings.

To Edge or Not to Edge

You have a choice about the edge in every moment. Putting an edge on anything makes it finite and less
than reality. Ignoring the edge of your awareness of the same thing makes it endless and gives it the feel of
reality.

Your dream ends when you wake up. That is its edge. Before you wake up you think it is real. Once you
wake up you experience its edge and it doesn’t feel real anymore. You say it was just a dream (not reality).
The movie ends at the edge of the screen or after the credits roll. When you encounter its edge in space or
in time you remember it is just a movie (not reality).

Realizing the power of the edge gives you the ability to diminish or augment the perceived reality of
anything you are living. If something unwanted feels real and immovable, you can begin to loosen its hold
on you. If something wonderful feels tentative and unsure, you can fortify its reality. It’s all a matter of
where you place your edge.

Saying Goodbye to Unwanted Realities

Abraham has told us there is no such thing as exclusion.* You can’t stop thinking about something by
trying to stop thinking about it because then you are thinking about it. What if there is something that
looms so large in your experience, that feels so real and so unwanted, that you can’t seem to turn your
attention away from it? You can begin to diminish its power in your life by working with its edge. As you
notice its edge, you weaken its grip on your awareness. Having done this, you may be able to turn easily
away from it sooner than you would have imagined possible.

Whether you are lost in an unwanted financial reality, a relationship crisis or any other seemingly real
situation, you can “unreal” it by determining its edge and paying more attention to what is beyond that
edge than what is inside it. Anything that has an edge has something beyond it. That is where the potential
for a whole new reality lives within your creative consciousness.
Until you realize the edge of your unwanted situation, you may feel hopeless. Once you see the unwanted
reality as finite with infinite possibility right over the line, you take back your power in that situation.

What seemed like an immovable reality begins to feel more like a little story - one story out of many
possible stories. This shift in consciousness will allow you to begin creating a whole new desirable reality
on the subject of finances or relationship or in any other area of your life. This simple shift makes it all
not only possible, but likely.

Creating Wanted Realities

If putting an edge on reality diminishes it to a little story, then taking the edge off a little story can lift it to
the status of reality. Can this really be possible? You can experiment with it and see for yourself. Here’s
how you do it:

Find something that you would absolutely love to live as your reality. Then imagine it without an edge.

That means imagine it as absolutely true. If you find any place in your consciousness where you are aware
that this is just a story, that awareness is an edge. Go past that. Infuse every inch, mile and light-year of
your consciousness with the knowing that this desired reality is real, true. Keep going until you are
completely unaware of any edge. In this case, doubt would be an edge. Awareness of a conflicting sense of
reality would be an edge. Let your desired reality completely fill your movie screen. Let it permeate your
entire field of vision. Let it be all you know. Do this on a regular basis. See what happens.

You can begin by playing a game with this notion of the edge. Start becoming aware of which stories in
your life are so big that they have no edge. See if these are stories that you want to be your reality. If not,
you now know what to do about it. Happy edging.

© Rebbie Straubing

You can receive Dr. Rebbie Straubing’s Free e-Course,
“7 Secrets for Manifesting Your Heart’s Desire,” at
http://www.yofa.net

Rebbie is a workshop leader, Abraham Coach, and writer.

To find or harmonize a relationship, visit http://www.GreatRelationships.net

Increase your awareness of Divine Love and begin a meditation practice in 3 minutes at the Affirmative Contemplation website, http://www.AffirmativeContemplation.com

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Thought vs. Action

Balancing thought and action is a challenge for many people, especially those who are self-employed. How much time should you spend thinking vs. doing? We hear things like, “failing to plan is planning to fail,” implying that careful thought must govern all action. But then there are also the cries of, “Do it now! Do it now! Do it now!” pressing for immediate action.

How do you know when to think vs. when to act? Where’s the point of balance between analysis paralysis on the thinking side and excessive impulsivity on the action side?

It seems clear you need a good balance between the two, especially when running your own business. Both are important.

I used to have this problem of wondering whether I was overacting and under-thinking or over-planning and under-acting, but the problem ceased to exist when I shifted my perspective on a different level. Now it feels to me that thought and action are more similar than they are different. One is a mental action; the other is a physical one.

I think the feeling of imbalance between thought and action is itself a symptom of a greater internal incongruence. You think you need to balance the two when they’re both taking you in different directions. You think in one direction but act in another.

It’s easy to fall into this state of imbalance when you experience a moderate perspective shift in your thinking, but your past momentum still rules your actions. So you keep working under your previous paradigm but thinking under your new paradigm. That’s when you’ll begin feeling a division between thought and action. You get results from both, but each is taking you in a slightly different direction. So you end up constantly questioning which is the right way to go. It seems like a conflict between thought and action, but if you look deep enough, you’ll see it’s really a conflict between two paradigms the old and the new.

I think the most common case would be when your thoughts take you in a new direction, while your actions are rooted in old habits. But it could also be the other way around, where your behavior shifts to something new, and your thoughts have yet to catch up. That can happen when your external environment forces a behavior change you move to a new city, switch jobs, enter a new relationship, etc. Your mental model of who you are hasn’t yet integrated the full extent of your new environment.

So while you can view a conflict between thought and action as causing a lack of clarity in your life, I think it’s more likely that the opposite is true a lack of clarity creates a perceived conflict between thought and action.

Thought and action can be perceived as two different dimensions of who you are: the mental you and the physical you. But there are other dimensions as well: the emotional you and the spiritual you. So one way to break through a perceived impasse between thought and action is to consult your other dimensions of emotions and spirit to see the situation from other perspectives. What do your feelings say about the conflict? What does your conscience tell you?

When you put all four of these dimensions together and collect input from all of them: the physical you, the mental you, the emotional you, and the spiritual you, you now have a lot more information about the problem, seeing all four sides instead of just two. Ultimately this allows you to envision a higher-level solution where all four of these “yous” can become congruent, all pointing in the same direction. And this will allow you to transcend the original problem entirely.

Albert Einstein said that the greatest problems cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them. The problem of a perceived conflict between thought and action cannot be solved at the level of thoughts and actions. You need to take a step back and see the perspectives of all four parts: body, mind, heart, and soul. Only then will a total solution begin to come into focus.

Let’s shove this abstract stuff down into a more concrete real-world example.

Suppose you run your own business. You think and plan about how to grow the business. This seems like a good idea as you enjoy running the business (at least at its current level), and it would be nice to increase your income. Growing the business seems like a pretty good idea. You feel that you have the necessary skills to do it too. But then when it comes to action, you feel stuck. You can’t seem to get moving. You keep working on urgent things, and the important growth projects stall. So you figure maybe your plans were wrong, and you go back to the comfort of doing more thinking and planning. And the same thing happens. And then you start thinking about planning and maybe that you’re over-planning, and you enter the stuck state of analysis paralysis, where your thinking becomes circular. You start to wonder why you aren’t taking action to grow the business, when your plans all look so good on paper. What’s holding you back?

At the level of thinking and action, you can’t solve the problem. You’ll just stay perpetually stuck. You may have what feels like a productive day now and then, but you won’t have that feeling of perpetual productivity that takes you through each and every day with a feeling of fulfillment and flow.

So what’s the solution? It’s time to consult the other parts of you who’ve been trying to speak up but who haven’t been heard. Start with your emotions. How do you honestly feel about growing the business? Maybe you’re getting mixed signals there. Perhaps you feel it would be great to have a bigger business, but you’re also a bit uneasy about how much more work it would mean. Your feelings further verify that you’re internally incongruent. You aren’t totally 100% committed to the idea of growing your business. It partly seems like the right thing to do, but it also partly feels wrong, and you can’t quite put your finger on it. Consulting your feelings gives you more evidence that something is wrong, but it doesn’t point you in the direction of a solution. Time to visit another advisor.

So now you consult with your spirit, your conscience, your deepest and most sacred beliefs. This is the quietest part of you, so you have to be alone and undisturbed to hear it clearly. One of the best questions to ask here is, “What should I be doing?” You can also try, “What’s true for me?” And then listen internally for the truth, not for what you want to hear. If you’re internally conflicted between thoughts, actions, and feelings, then your spiritual answer will explain why. And it won’t pull its punches. It can take some courage to listen to this inner voice and not tune it out, but this is a voice that must be heeded if you ever want to restore congruence and experience balance again.

This inner voice may say to you, “You’re not living in accordance with what you believe” or “This isn’t what you’re here to do.” It will look at your business and ask all the big questions. How will growing your business affect your character? How will it impact all the people it touches? How does it mesh with your deepest sense of right and wrong? Is it contributing? Does it truly help people in the way they most need to be helped? Are you passionate about it? Is this the best you can do?

This is a very individual process. I can’t say where it will lead in the short term, but in in the long term, listening to all four of these parts of yourself body, mind, heart, soul will help you envision a way of living where all parts of your life can become congruent. You don’t have to take a flying leap into living spiritually and go broke doing it. All four parts can be in balance. But you have to listen to all four and get their input in order to understand the direction where that balance lies.

I believe all four dimensions have their own valid perspective. One perspective is no better or worse than another. Some problems are simple enough that they only need a single perspective to solve them. Your body can tackle the challenge of eating a meal without much conscious thought. Your mind can solve a math problem without needing to consult your feelings. Your emotions can signal danger without consulting your spirit. But sometimes these parts don’t listen to each other. Your body tries to gobble up the junk food while your mind says, “Put that donut down!” Your mind focuses on negative outcomes while your emotions say, “You’re stressing me out here!” And you start plotting revenge out of anger while your spirit says, “You believe in forgiveness.”

Each part of you has its own unique perspective, and each is wise in its own way. By listening to all four parts and iterating through them again and again, you eventually reach a state of congruence. It’s an internal negotiation process. Body wants that donut. Mind says no. Spirit says, “Blech. The donut maker treats her employees harshly.” Heart says “Mmmmm, donut!” Body says, “I’m hungry.” Mind says, “OK, you can have a muffin instead.” Spirit says, “Make sure it’s organic.” Body says, “OK, I’ll have an organic banana nut muffin.” Heart says, “Banana nut now that’s good muffin!”

The same goes for career. Body wants big salary. Mind wants interesting work that fits our talents. Heart wants fun. Spirit wants meaningful contribution. Body says, “Contribution? You trying to starve us?” Heart says, “Contribution would make us feel good, but I don’t want to do dull and boring work all day.” Spirit says, “Mind, figure out how contribution can be fun.” Mind says, “It has to be a form of service that fits our talents so we’re good at it, and our passion so we enjoy it.” Heart says, “Mmmmmm, passion.” Body says, “Excuse me, but how the heck are we gonna make a living at this?” Mind says, “If we do what we’re best at, and there’s a demand for it, people will be happy to pay us for it.” Body says, “You’ll have to do better than that to convince me. I know we can make $X right now doing Y, and that’s good enough for me.” Mind says, “Here, eat this muffin while I think about it.” Heart says, “I wouldn’t feel good working only for money.” Spirit says, “Everybody make a list of the types of careers that could satisfy you.”

Everybody makes their own list. They all negotiate back and forth until they find one that pleases all of them. Heart rejects accountant. Spirit rejects the adult web site idea. Mind rejects professional athlete. Body rejects psychologist. They eventually reject everything on every list and have to go back to make new lists, but they do a better job the second time because now they understand what the others want. So they each start listing ideas that have a better chance of acceptance by all. And after a while they find a few that actually work, and they pick the best of those. Through this internal negotiation process, they discover the best option, so they can finally commit. Congruence is achieved, and moving forward, the new career will satisfy all four parts as fully as possible. All perceived conflict between thought vs. action vanishes. Thoughts, actions, feelings, and beliefs are all headed in the same direction.

Copyright © Steve Pavlina

Steve Pavlina
Personal Development for Smart People
http://www.stevepavlina.com
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog (blog)
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles (articles)

Steve is intensely growth-oriented. He trained in martial arts, ran the L.A. Marathon, and graduated from college in three semesters with two degrees. He can juggle, count cards at blackjack, and make damn good guacamole. Steve is also a polyphasic sleeper, sleeping just 2-3 hours per day and only 20 minutes at a time. So chances are good that he’s awake right now.

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What’s Your Time Horizon

One factor that makes a big difference in how much control you have over your life is your time horizon. In the span of a day or a week, you have a fair amount of control over your life, but it’s certainly not 100%. In any given week, just about anything can happen, and your plans can be thrown completely off by factors outside your control. Even over the course of a year, your goals can be totally sidetracked. You can be hit with an unexpected health problem or suffer a major financial setback. I’ve certainly had at least one year where everything seemed to go askew and where getting back on track took months.

But in the long run, when you hit time horizons of 5, 10, or 20 years, your degree of control is closer to 100%. The short-term randomness tends to cancel out.

If you want to start a new business this week, your ability to accomplish that goal may not be anywhere near 100%. But if you want to start a new business within the next 5 years, no matter what your starting condition, you’re virtually 100% capable of making it happen if you choose to do so. There are very few setbacks that will nuke your ability to get moving in the direction of your goals for more than a year.

People often overestimate what they can reasonably achieve in a year. But they vastly underestimate what they can achieve in 5 years. In a five-year period you can go from sitting in the stands as a spectator to becoming an Olympic gold medalist in the decathlon. It’s been done. Think about what you can achieve between now and 2010 if you commit to it. You can lose any amount of weight and develop any kind of physique you want. You can start your own business and make it profitable. You can meet the mate of your dreams and start a family. You can relocate to anywhere in the world. You can learn to speak a new language fluently. You can write a book. You can become skilled at any musical instrument. You can learn to act or dance or speak or write.

If you’ve been complaining about not being able to get started on one of your major goals for a week or a month, you may be doing so for good reason. Perhaps you are indeed experiencing setbacks that have prevented you from getting started. But if you’ve been making excuses for more than a year, the responsbility for the delay is almost certainly yours alone.

You have an enormous degree of control and power when you think with a time horizon of 5 years. Don’t let that potential go to waste. Set a course now and get moving.

Copyright © Steve Pavlina

Steve Pavlina
Personal Development for Smart People
http://www.stevepavlina.com
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog (blog)
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles (articles)

Steve is intensely growth-oriented. He trained in martial arts, ran the L.A. Marathon, and graduated from college in three semesters with two degrees. He can juggle, count cards at blackjack, and make damn good guacamole. Steve is also a polyphasic sleeper, sleeping just 2-3 hours per day and only 20 minutes at a time. So chances are good that he’s awake right now.

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