Attractive Attraction

We have all heard this warning: You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Also, human behavior specialists caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us.

With this widely acknowledged pressure to make our case instantly, here are my seven tips for making your first impression strongly positive.

ONE: The greatest way to make a positive first impression is to demonstrate immediately that the other person–not you–is the center of action and conversation.

Illustrate that the spotlight is on you only, and you*ll miss opportunities for friendships, jobs, promotions, love relationships, networking, and sales. Show that you are other-centered, and first-time acquaintances will be eager to see you again.

Recently I attended a conference. At lunch, my wife and I sat with several people we didn*t know. While most of our tablemates made good impressions, one man emerged as the person we*d be sure to avoid all weekend. He talked about himself, non-stop. Only rarely did anyone else get a chance to speak. Unfortunately, he probably thought he was captivating us with his life story.

I applaud this definition of a bore: Somebody who talks about himself so much that you don*t get to talk about yourself.

TWO: You*ll make a superb initial impression when you demonstrate good listening skills. Give positive verbal cues:

Hmmm. . .interesting! Tell me more, please. What did you do next?

Just as actors benefit from prompts, your conversational partner will welcome your assistance in keeping the exchange going.

Nonverbally, you show you*re a skilled listener by maintaining steady eye contact. Remember how you respond to the social gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the next person he or she wants to corner. Remember, and offer full attention to everyone you meet.

THREE: Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. Example: Judy, I like that suggestion. Or: Your vacation must have been exciting, Fred. You show that you have paid attention from the start, catching the name during the introduction. Equally as important, you*ll make conversations more personal by including the listener*s name several times.

FOUR: Be careful with humor.

Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don*t know a stranger*s sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can*t overcome, either now or later.

FIVE: Give up the need to be right.

This was Dr. Wayne Dyer*s advice in his wonderful book, Real Magic. Confrontations with somebody you*ve just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another*s statements.

SIX: Appearance counts.

Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me for lunch. I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a sport coat and tie. When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the message he conveyed was: Bill, meeting you is a rather ordinary experience, and doesn*t call for me to present a business-like appearance. Not surprisingly, that was the last time I met with him.

True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a communication seminar I conducted. She said: I don*t dress for the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have.

SEVEN: Speak clearly, confidently, and convincingly.

As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an individual*s speaking style impacts the first impression, maybe more than we wish. Listeners judge our intelligence, our cultural level, our education, even our leadership ability by the words we select–and by how we say them.

Think of Professor Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady, who changed a so-called guttersnipe into a lady, by teaching her to speak skillfully. While none of us occupies the lowly level of Eliza Doolittle, we can keep her example in mind. Rather than mumble, speak so you*re easily heard. Enunciate clearly. Alter your pitch, to avoid the dullness of a monotone. Display animation in both voice and facial expression. Gesture naturally, without canning your movements.

Keep these seven tips in mind. They will reduce your fear of business and social encounters with unfamiliar faces. More positively, you*ll start enjoying poise and success that you thought were beyond your reach.

About The Author

Bill Lampton, Ph.D., wrote The Complete Communicator: Change Your Communication, Change Your Life! As a business consultant, speaker and coach, he helps organizations improve their communication, motivation, customer service and sales.

His Web site: http://www.ChampionshipCommunication.com

E-mail: mailto:drbill@ChampionshipCommunication.com

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Reality has no edge. In fact, that’s how we recognize it. If it has an edge, it’s not reality.

A movie on a big screen draws you into its reality immediately. Once you lose your awareness of the edge
of the screen, the film becomes your world. A world with no edge becomes reality. For an even more
extreme experience of a simulated no-edge-reality, try on some virtual reality goggles. They fill your entire
visual field right up to the edge and so we put the word “reality” into the name of that technology. We
don’t usually get this shift in reality from watching a TV screen. The edge of the screen is always visible
and constantly whispers, “What you are watching is not real.” It’s all about the edge.

Your visual field acts as your movie screen. The genius of its design is that you can’t see the edge. Your
focus is forward. Way out at the edge your awareness blurs into unconsciousness. Since we are usually
unaware of any edge, we think what we see is reality. How you relate to the edge of your visual field, the
edge of your consciousness, the edge of your world becomes crucially important if you are interested in
taking an intentionally creative role in your own reality. Consciousness evaluates reality by any situation’s
relationship to the edge.

So, the edge has the power to make things seem unreal. And “edgelessness” is the key ingredient in reality.
We can use this information in many powerful ways as we move through life’s contrasting offerings.

To Edge or Not to Edge

You have a choice about the edge in every moment. Putting an edge on anything makes it finite and less
than reality. Ignoring the edge of your awareness of the same thing makes it endless and gives it the feel of
reality.

Your dream ends when you wake up. That is its edge. Before you wake up you think it is real. Once you
wake up you experience its edge and it doesn’t feel real anymore. You say it was just a dream (not reality).
The movie ends at the edge of the screen or after the credits roll. When you encounter its edge in space or
in time you remember it is just a movie (not reality).

Realizing the power of the edge gives you the ability to diminish or augment the perceived reality of
anything you are living. If something unwanted feels real and immovable, you can begin to loosen its hold
on you. If something wonderful feels tentative and unsure, you can fortify its reality. It’s all a matter of
where you place your edge.

Saying Goodbye to Unwanted Realities

Abraham has told us there is no such thing as exclusion.* You can’t stop thinking about something by
trying to stop thinking about it because then you are thinking about it. What if there is something that
looms so large in your experience, that feels so real and so unwanted, that you can’t seem to turn your
attention away from it? You can begin to diminish its power in your life by working with its edge. As you
notice its edge, you weaken its grip on your awareness. Having done this, you may be able to turn easily
away from it sooner than you would have imagined possible.

Whether you are lost in an unwanted financial reality, a relationship crisis or any other seemingly real
situation, you can “unreal” it by determining its edge and paying more attention to what is beyond that
edge than what is inside it. Anything that has an edge has something beyond it. That is where the potential
for a whole new reality lives within your creative consciousness.
Until you realize the edge of your unwanted situation, you may feel hopeless. Once you see the unwanted
reality as finite with infinite possibility right over the line, you take back your power in that situation.

What seemed like an immovable reality begins to feel more like a little story - one story out of many
possible stories. This shift in consciousness will allow you to begin creating a whole new desirable reality
on the subject of finances or relationship or in any other area of your life. This simple shift makes it all
not only possible, but likely.

Creating Wanted Realities

If putting an edge on reality diminishes it to a little story, then taking the edge off a little story can lift it to
the status of reality. Can this really be possible? You can experiment with it and see for yourself. Here’s
how you do it:

Find something that you would absolutely love to live as your reality. Then imagine it without an edge.

That means imagine it as absolutely true. If you find any place in your consciousness where you are aware
that this is just a story, that awareness is an edge. Go past that. Infuse every inch, mile and light-year of
your consciousness with the knowing that this desired reality is real, true. Keep going until you are
completely unaware of any edge. In this case, doubt would be an edge. Awareness of a conflicting sense of
reality would be an edge. Let your desired reality completely fill your movie screen. Let it permeate your
entire field of vision. Let it be all you know. Do this on a regular basis. See what happens.

You can begin by playing a game with this notion of the edge. Start becoming aware of which stories in
your life are so big that they have no edge. See if these are stories that you want to be your reality. If not,
you now know what to do about it. Happy edging.

© Rebbie Straubing

You can receive Dr. Rebbie Straubing’s Free e-Course,
“7 Secrets for Manifesting Your Heart’s Desire,” at
http://www.yofa.net

Rebbie is a workshop leader, Abraham Coach, and writer.

To find or harmonize a relationship, visit http://www.GreatRelationships.net

Increase your awareness of Divine Love and begin a meditation practice in 3 minutes at the Affirmative Contemplation website, http://www.AffirmativeContemplation.com

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Do you remember your childhood dreams of career choices, the man/woman of your dreams, or the prized sports car? Did you replace them with new dreams as you got older as most people do? Have you attained your dreams? If not, why?

The saying, ‘We are the creators of our own destiny’ is right on the mark! We spend a great deal of time thinking about what we want. What we want to be when we grow up, the type of lifestyle we would like to lead, the location and type of home we would like to own, but so many of these dreams do not come to fruition. Why? Because they are often just yearnings, hopes, or the proverbial brass ring. But they need not be. You can actually attain the things you have always wished for, but you need more than a vague idea of what it is that is truly desired. You need to deliberately pursue your goal to create your reality.

Dreams and aspirations are kind of like seeds in a garden. Would you just plant seeds and leave them to fend for themselves, expecting them to grow into the desired fruit, vegetable, or flower? Of course not. Without water to stay quenched, fertilizer for growth, and regular weeding your seeds would not thrive at all. In fact they would just wither away. That is exactly what can happen to your dreams. They will never flourish without thought, attention, and energy. Deliberateness is needed. It is the process of putting action to your intentions that will help manifest your dreams.
Claire has fallen into just such a rut. She has been a waitress for nearly three years but she dreams of much more. Since the age of three she has wanted to be a dancer. Claire is quite good, but she has yet to act on her goals professionally. Instead she attends dance classes during the day and waitresses at night, dreaming of how different things will be once she is finally discovered.

During her lunch break she goes a few doors down to meet her friend Sam. Sam is a man on a mission. He works as a waiter in the evenings, takes classes in the morning and pounds the pavement, literally or virtually in between. Sam has had the dream of becoming a freelance writer ever since he can remember. But instead of hoping that his dream comes true, Sam is helping his dreams along by putting action into play. Unlike Claire, he is making contacts with agents and publishers, is part of a writer’s workshop and even donates his writing to a few not-for-profit organizations. Sam is insuring that his work is seen by as many people as he can, thus increasing his chances for success.

Claire and Sam are both people with ambitious dreams, but they are clearly going about attaining them in two very different ways. Claire is waiting for her dreams to materialize, while Sam is setting out to make his happen. Are you more like Claire or Sam? If your dreams have not yet become a reality, take some time to reflect on the reasons why. Ask yourself if there was something that you could have done to help them along? If the answer is yes, then you have a starting point for action. Assemble a plan for how you are going to achieve your dreams. Action takes courage, the universe recognizes courage as an acknowledgement that you are ready to handle the next step, whatever that next step may be. If you keep working towards your dreams and aspirations, you WILL achieve them. Use action as the catalyst and watch what begins to manifest, believe me you won’t be surprised after all, you made it become reality.

Eva Gregory, master coach, speaker and author of The Feel Good Guide To Prosperity, http://www.feelgoodguide.com, has instructed thousands on the Laws of Attraction in person, on the radio and in dozens of teleconference training seminars and programs. She is the author of several books and e-books and has co-developed several telephone-based and internet-based training courses on the Laws of Attraction. Her most popular program to date is her Leading Edge Living One Year Success Program. (http://www.leadingedgecoaching.com/Living/index.shtml) Eva is regularly featured on radio and in the media and is a recognized authority on the Laws of Attraction. To learn more about her products and services, visit Leading Edge Coaching, http://www.leadingedgecoching.com

NOTE: You’re welcome to “reprint” this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the “about the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to eva@coacheva.com

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